Just fell off a train. Bad.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
