i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
