That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
