Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
