I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
