dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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