Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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