a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
