A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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