I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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