I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize