your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
