dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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