I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
