After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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