I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
