White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize