I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
