Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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