did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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