so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
