dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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