I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
