so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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