I must be too annoying 4 u.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
