I swear she didn't look like that last week.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
