I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
