I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize