Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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