You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Randomize
