You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
