so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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