when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He passed out mid-signature
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize