I cannot find my penis.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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