I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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