Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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