yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
They have beer where we have blood.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
