6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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