i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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