Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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