i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
