she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She announced her abortion via fbk
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
