He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize