I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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