Betty ford says i'm here all night
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
