When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize