At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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