he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
