I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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