I wish my penis had an off switch
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize