I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
