Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
