Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
