dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
