i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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