she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I need to calm my uterus...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
