I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
