Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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