I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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