Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
