Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
No subtext here. People are naked.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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