piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
