I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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