Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i dont even know how to be here
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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