every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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