i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
