Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
