i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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