I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
