I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
