I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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