theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
