It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
