can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
