No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
