whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
