I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
