honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
