great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
