Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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