dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
