That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
