my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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