So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
